For you I will wake
by TheProblematique
Summary: Jim and Spock are tired and in denial of hearing rumours about their alleged secret burning passionate love for each other. So they decide to take action. Because the rumours are Wrong. Really.
1. Chapter 1

**For you I will wake**** - by The Problematique**

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Part One: Dreaming Out Loud

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"Okay, that is _it_."

The Captain's voice rang loud and true, and he was Not Amused.

"I have _had_ it, people, I've had quite enough. We are professionals here. There is so much expected from us, you know this, and I…" Jim gave a weary sigh, and his heart plummeted as he realised no one seemed to be taking him seriously, bright smiles still on every face while he was trying to sound solemn and disapproving (and that in itself was quite something).

"This ends now, okay?" But they only nodded and returned to work, effectively ignoring him.

It happened more and more often lately. Uhura would roll her eyes at him and pretend she couldn't hear the words of denial coming out of his mouth. Scotty openly telling jokes in front of everyone, to much entertainment of both Sulu and Chekov. Even Bones had taken to siding with everyone else, just last week Jim had caught his best friend laughing about him with nurse Chapel. Everyone was suddenly undermining his authority. Accidentally "forgetting" he was standing right there.

Only the other day, he'd issued a new regulation regarding the number of times people could wolf-whistle in the Mess.

They… they just _did it anyway_.

It was the beginnings of mutiny, Jim was certain of it.

It had started with the Rumour. Jim wasn't sure who'd picked it up first, but it had been part of his daily routine for longer than he cared to remember.

They discussed it night and day, gossiping like old ladies or young girls, there were bets and games and Jim was sick and tired of it. He didn't know why they believed… what they did, and didn't want to know, at all. But he sure as hell knew he was ending this today.

Jim had tried to, honest to God he'd tried, but he just couldn't (and maybe a part of him didn't really want to) understand why his normally excellent, efficient, smart crew had absolutely no self-discipline over this particular issue. Oh, sure, when his orders were related exclusively to _work_ they all listened. If they had to do with the _Enterprise_ of course they were obeyed instantly. But if Jim tried to stop/deny/kill the Rumour in any way, rank-pulling became hilarious or silly. He was treated like a little ignorant child who refused to see the truth.

Jim hated it. With a burning, blinding passion he _hated_ it. The condescending grins and back-patting, the jokes at his expense. He felt like everyone was against him.

Everyone except Spock, of course.

It hadn't even begun like this, though. At first Jim had laughed along with everyone, good-natured as he was, thinking their sudden (ridiculous) fancy would soon pass, and he could forget how weird it made him feel. Like a funny joke. Like a crazy, insane, bizarre, but still relatively funny, joke. Hey, he wasn't one to judge. He wasn't a stickler for protocol either, or an authority figure that felt his crew needed to exclude him from the usual banter. Jim could take it.

Or so he'd thought.

Because as the time progressed, and it all just went _in crescendo_, he began to feel a creeping panic whenever the topic was mentioned. And boy was it mentioned often.

The uncomfortable fear was replaced by anger soon enough. Then frustration. Sadness. Resentment at them for starting such a stupid, impossible idea. It became not just a funny joke, but something his friends actually believed to be true. And it was so far from the truth. _So_ far.

So… very… far.

Jim stood up from his chair in a sudden movement, trying to ignore the way all eyes immediately flew to him. He looked toward his science station, where Spock was the only one still working.

Yeah.

Far.

"Did you want to say anything else, Captain?" Uhura asked expectantly, looking polite and quite professional.

Jim wanted to strangle her for her composture.

He was so alone and misunderstood. Again, except for Spock, but that was… another matter. Spock was awesomely different from everyone.

Curiously, it was with this thought that he finally felt something inside explode. Captain Kirk, wallowing in self-pity? Alone, was he? _Misunderstood_? Well too bad, Jim. Man up! Do something about it! Act!

Fight! Win!

He was _seriously_ pissed, and he didn't care about smothered laughter anymore or (not very) discreet glances his way. He was the Captain, he needed to trust his subordinates, and what he didn't need was for them to laugh openly at him if he tried to deny something that was a ludicrous idea to begin with anyway.

Resolve fueled his voice as he turned to his science station.

"Mr Spock, please come with me."

The giggles and muffled chuckling had died down when Jim first spoke, but they started up again the moment he called his first officer's name.

Oh for goodness' _sake_!

Resisting the urge to do silly, girly things like stomp his foot, punch a wall (hey, Jim knew some pretty tough girls) or perhaps scream, the Captain settled for storming out of his own bridge, knowing Spock would follow him.

The rage was… disproportionate.

A part of his brain knew this. But the fury consumed his rationality for a few moments, and he just seethed out there in the bright corridor, stock-still, shaking with it, with the emotion coursing through his veins, until he wasn't even sure it was anger.

"Captain."

Spock's cool voice immediately brought him back.

Jim grabbed his first officer's arm and dragged the Vulcan along with him, although he also knew this was _wrong_, and not just because Spock didn't like to be touched.

"I'm fed up with it." He said through clenched teeth.

"Captain?"

"All of it, you hear me? I am fed up with all of them!"

He ended walking all the way to his quarters and practically pushing Spock in there with him. The boiling in his blood this action caused just served to make him even madder, and he slammed the door behind them both.

"Jim."

Jim turned and looked at the man he'd just locked inside his room.

Shit.

Goddamn he hated himself for what he was thinking, fucking crew-members and their stupid theories that weren't true!

"_Jim_."

In one syllable Spock managed to convey both reproach, understanding, and a sort of grounding call back to reality that deflated Jim's rage like a balloon.

"Sorry Spock, I didn't mean to touch you or… anything."

Suddenly Jim was rather embarrassed at his cave-man-like attitude. Surely Spock would think he'd finally snapped and gone insane?

He was very pleasantly surprised to detect amusement in Spock's eyes, and even see a light twitch of Spock's lips.

"That is forgivable, I think, Captain."

"Good. Heh, okay."

They smiled at each other (thought technically Spock wasn't smiling, but whatever, they both knew he was).

"Spock, we need to talk."

"I agree."

"So… you know about our… uh, Problem?"

Immediately Spock's demeanor shifted back to serious and withdrawn, with just a hint of still and formal. Jim blanched, he hadn't wanted that.

"I was not aware that any complications had arisen since we last spoke, Captain."

"Arisen? _Seriousl_- okay, no, what I meant was… wait, listen. Trust me, okay?" Jim missed the momentary widening of Spock's eyes when he spoke of trust. "I'm telling you we have a-"

"Yes, a problem. Fortunately my sensitive Vulcan ears enabled me to understand upon your initial use of the word."

Jim's had to grin at Spock's version of "I heard you the first time".

But a strange thing happened next. In the giddy, happy contentment that stole over Jim at that moment, he suddenly realised what he was feeling, and why. And he remembered what Scotty had been joking about with Sulu only this morning, and Chekov's loud laughter echoing from the controls as he listened to their impressions. Uhura's little smile every time Jim said Spock's name, which was messed up, as she'd been dating Spock herself only last year. Worst of all, he remembered Chapel's teasing of Bones, and their amused expressions when Jim began yelling about things like betrayal of trust and ending life-long friendships ("We've known each other for four years, Jim! Relax, geez!").

And his anger was back like a defense-mechanism snapping to attention.

Well, wasn't today turning out to be quite the emotional roller-coaster ride.

"Jim, I am afraid you must clarify what the problem is, for me." Spock's voice cut right through his red haze.

"Right, sure."

Jim took a deep breath to steel himself, if he was actually going to say this out loud and acknowledge it's existence. Then he took another one. Then he opened his mouth to speak… and closed it again. Then, he took another deep breath just to see if it made any difference at all.

It didn't.

Wow, he had no idea how to begin.

"So… you know about the illegal betting going on with the crew?" And the occasional passenger, actually. And once, when Pike was supposed to be getting a report on their ship repairs, the Admiral had actually joked about participating in the pool, right there on the bridge in front of everyone, to Jim's everlasting and mortifying humiliation.

"Illegal, Jim?"

"Yeah. I tried banning it a month ago, remember? They completely 'forgot'." Another perfect example of the attitude he had to deal with every day. How could he run a ship if they were allowed to place bets on…

"I am not certain I am aware of the nature of the bets you speak of."

"The… the bets about us, Spock."

There, he'd said it.

"No."

The curt, clipped, perfectly reasonable answer told Jim all he needed to know.

"So you do know."

"I believe I just indicated I did not."

"Spock, you can't lie to me, okay? And don't worry, I hate it too."

This didn't seem to be working. Spock just looked less expressive by the second, and Jim was having a lot of trouble trying to hold on to his blood-lust. Especially the blood part.

Dammit!

"Spock, I think we need to solve this problem. I spend all my free time working extra just to try and get them to stop. And they _don't_!" It might have sounded slightly close to whining. But it wasn't. Honest.

"Are you proposing a solution to your troubles, Captain?" Spock said coolly. Jim let himself fall onto his bed in a tired heap, body sprawled gracefully backwards.

"I don't know what else I can do." He groaned. "I've tried my best, apparently it doesn't work. They just laugh like I'm being _stubborn_! Me!"

Despite the fact that Spock had had to turn to face the wall and was taking deep, cleansing breaths, a micro-smile managed to creep up the corners of the Vulcan's mouth at this statement.

"Wait." But Jim had realised something. "_My_ troubles? Doesn't it bother you, too?" He propped himself on his elbows and looked at Spock from his new vantage postion, decided this angle wasn't good for a number of reasons, and resumed his staring upwards.

"Vulcans do not feel bothered."

"That's _bullshit_, Spock." Jim told his ceiling firmly.

"I assure you, it is not."

"Yeah it is."

"It is not."

"Is."

"Not."

Jim laughed.

Suddenly, lying there, with Spock (but not like that!) Jim felt bone-meltingly exhausted, like he wanted to sleep forever to escape. And it wasn't because he'd spent the past thirty hours awake.

"Spock?"

"Yes, Jim?"

"Do _you_ have any ideas? Mine _suck_."

Not a good thought, not a good thought, Jim, stop that _right now_, no, no, no, noooooooo…!

"Jim, did you just slap yourself?"

"Maybe?"

A small sound of exasperation came from where Jim knew Spock was standing. Which was the furthest corner of the small quarters, away from the bed where Jim was lying. Oh crap, maybe he was making Spock uncomfortable.

Jim sat up quickly, blinked to try and clear the spots dancing in his vision at the sudden head-rush, and promptly fell back again.

"Ugh, it spins."

"What spins, Jim?"

"The _room_."

A few careful steps later Jim felt the familiar wave of heat coming from his first officer. Spock must be leaning over him. On top of him, almost.

Jim did not like how this meeting was going so far.

"M'fine." He mumbled, then sat up more slowly.

But not so slowly that he didn't brush his nose against Spock's neck before Spock could pull away.

Oh holy mother of God.

The reaction was fast, Jim had to give Spock points for his amazing reflexes. He was at the other end of the room in a heartbeat. And a Vulcan one, at that.

"Sorry." Jim said to his feet, feeling his cheeks heat with embarrassment.

"As it happens, I may have a possible plan, Captain."

A robot could have sounded more human if it was reciting the Cardassian alphabet backwards. There was literally not a single inflection in the words.

"Really? Great! Let's hear it!"

Jim looked expectantly at Spock, trying to resist the urge to touch the tip of his own nose, which felt tingly.

"Before I do, let me clarify: the crew believe we should engage in an emotional relationship."

It was kind of weird to hear Spock say 'emotional' in that tone of voice. Jim just nodded, feeling his throat dry.

"Not only that, they believe we both secretly harvest feelings of unfulfilled lust toward one another."

"Yeah."

"Nyota has informed me that she also believes we are denying said feelings of unfulfilled-"

"Yeah, we can skip that part." Jim said quickly.

"All right. She says we are denying said feelings even to ourselves, and she is mistaken. Would you agree, Jim?"

"Yup. That's about it. Repressed urges, denied desire, all of it. Oh, but you forgot the bets are on how long it'll take for us to realise it's all one great internal lie and we should just run to each other's arms."

Spock gave one curt nod, but Jim was still riled up.

"And all of this just because we're friends and we hang out together, and I used to tease you but I stopped doing that when the bets began, and come on, it's not like I really _mean_ all those innuendos, you know? And that _one_ time I grabbed your hand which was _totally_ by accident and I didn't _know_ anyway, and I'm _still_ sorry, though, but-"

"We are friends. It is all right."

On the word 'friends' a subtle hint of the more normal Spock came back. It wasn't really emotion, but maybe a touch of expression, at least.

"Thanks." Jim clapped his hands. "So, we've established the parametres, I'm ready to hear your hypothesis, Spock. Lay it on me."

Oh come _on_.

"Excuse…?"

"No! It's an expression!"

Spock nodded again (but that hint of expression was gone again, and Jim found he really missed his usual first officer), then proceeded to outline the strategy that would keep Jim awake for the rest of eternity.

Because sometimes dreaming can be the most frightening thing.

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**There will be a Part Two to this****, obviously! And it should be Coming Soon! (heh, like Jim and Spock *cackles*)**

**Also, for anyone who's interested, I have a couple of longer stories with actual *gasp* plots! They'll be Coming Soon as well!**

**I know Jim was VERY inDenial!Kirk here, I hope it wasn't **_**too**_** OOC :)**

**And finally, the green button calls to you… it calls… it beckons… it says: PUSH ME. PLEASE. PUSH ME AND WONDERFUL THINGS WILL HAPPEN. It says…**

**Review!**


	2. Chapter 2

**For you I will wake**

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Part Two: The Awakening

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"Sulu!"

Sulu knew that voice so well his smile was more of an instinctive response than an actual voluntary movement of facial muscles. He was tired, but he hadn't quite been able to fall asleep and he'd been heading to the Mess for some warm milk when he heard his name. The replicator in his room had been ruined due to totally accidental causes that were in no way related to the fact that Chekov had tried to replicate a very weird Russian ingredient called kvass, and hadn't really succeeded. The reason Chekov had tried this in Sulu's room and not Chekov's own was that, curiously and by coincidence, Chekov's replicator was also malfunctioning.

"Sulu!"

Chekov was sprinting so fast Sulu wasn't sure the boy would have time to stop before they collided, so he walked wearily backwards, hands outstretched in mock-defence, until he felt the corridor panel press against his shoulder-blades.

"Sulu!" Luckily it was past three in the morning with night shifts during a rather uneventful diplomatic mission, so there was no one in the corridor for the teenager to collide with. "Sulu!"

"Yes, I can _see_ you're running toward me, Pavel. Slow down."

With a comical last-second flailing of his arms to avoid falling, Chekov ground to a stop inches from his best friend's face. And he didn't back away, either, instead he bellowed excitedly. "It has 'appened!"

Sulu broke into a wide grin despite the uncomfortable closeness of being backed against a wall by his best friend, and didn't need to ask _what_ had happened.

"Now? Just now?"

"I… am not sure. But we haf wictory!"

"Chekov, we _lost,_ like, two weeks ago." Sulu chuckled, and they both started walking toward the Mess in mutual silent agreement.

"No, not ze bet. I don't really care about a bet. But I meen… aren't you so _happy_? Finally, a Keptan who is not distracted by his internal struggle to deny his true feelings! A Wulcan First Officer that can focus on logic again and not _pine_! Although of course Spock would never admit to that… And _romance_! It is exciting, yes?"

Sulu laughed. "Who told you?"

"Ah, here is what is interesting. Nobody."

"What?" Sulu stopped walking, eyes wide, and put his arm out to halt Chekov beside him. "Wait… you saw it with your own eyes?"

The young man's face positively radiated excitement.

"_Yes_." He said simply and proudly.

"Oh wow. You have to tell me what you saw!" They started walking again.

"Ze Keptan was pacing on ze bridge, he looked so troubled I was afraid wi finally broke 'im with the laughing… you know I cannot 'elp laughing when 'e kept saying '_no, no, I do not lof Spock!_'" The impression was strangely accurate, except for the adorable accent, and Sulu smiled. "So 'e was sitting in his chair and so tired, Hikaru, just looking desperate and confused… his eyes conflicted, a dark expression on his face mixed with a little bit of incredulity, maybe, as though…"

"I get it, Pavel. What happened then?"

"Meester Spock came in. And you should af seen! The transformation! Not just ze usual softening of the eyes, but an actual, nervous smile! Oh, it was biutiful! And Meester Spock didn't go direct to his station without even glancing at Jim like always, you know, _especially_ not looking at Jim, if you get my… well, instead he walked to him and… and then…"

The tension was killing Sulu. "And _what_?"

"Zey kissed!"

"_No_."

"Yes!"

"Oh my God, in front of everyone? But… that's not very professional, is it?"

"Well… it was a Vulcan kiss. And I didn't even know it was zat until Nyota told me."

"You spoke with Uhura before telling me?"

"She was there with me! We are ze ones who saw! And she's in ze Mess now with everyone, and Dr McCoy."

"So wait, I'm the last one to find out?"

"Well, yes, but zis all happened just twenty minits ago." Chekov checked his watch nervously. "It's three thirty in ze morning, Sulu, and I was coming to wake you, so really…"

"Okay, okay, it's fine. Thanks for telling me anyway. So they kissed, huh?"

"Spock held out two fingers like zis…" Chekov imitated the gesture in demonstration, extending his index and middle fingers. "And ze Keptan also… it was really fast, I wouldn't 'ave seen unless I was looking very carefully." Chekov gently took Sulu's hand and folded his ring, thumb and pinkie. "See? Like zis."

They touched and Sulu nodded, swallowing uncomfortably.

"Yeah, yeah I see. Oh look, there's everyone. Hey everyone!"

And he ran away into the Mess, cursing under his breath.

Dr McCoy and Uhura were sitting at a table absolutely surrounded by people. Apparently the fact that they should be sleeping hadn't stopped everyone from gathering there (and in under half an hour, which was quite impressive, or so Sulu thought). Nurse Chapel and Helen Noel were speaking excitedly next to a group of Engineers, including Charlene Masters who was laughing at something Scotty'd just said and organising the placing of new bets, and a group of blue-clad science officers, including Lt. Rodriguez, Marlena Moreau, and Karl Jeger, were deep in discussion with Chief of Security Giotto and two of his men.

"Chekov! You got Sulu, that was so thoughtful!" Ensign Rand crooned, her tall and particular hairstyle making her easily recognisable.

"Of course." Chekov said, slightly puzzled as to why this was a notable accomplishment. Sulu ignored her and tried to reach the table at the very centre.

"So the only witnesses were Chekov, you…?" McCoy was asking Uhura.

"Marlena was there too, and Rand. I mean, the Captain wasn't even supposed to be on duty, I just figured he must have been having another one of his _I'll try and see if sleep-deprivation works to cure me of my Spock-craving_ days." The doctor snorted and Uhura giggled. Then she noticed Sulu. "Hey, Hikaru. Where's Pavel?"

"Here!" Chekov jumped.

Uhura smiled even wider and motioned for them to come closer.

"So… what do you think?"

"Wait, I wanna know who won the pool!" Sulu said suddenly, remembering why they'd all become obsessed with this in the first place.

"Well, we don't really know when it happened, and it's not really… official yet, Sulu. Nyota has a theory." McCoy said, motioning for her to continue. The gaggle of people around them quietened, and Uhura began to speak in her sweet, clear voice.

"It's true, I do have a theory regarding this new development. As we all know, two days ago Jim and Spock left the bridge and we were sure that was it, that finally they'd argue until it all reached the boiling point and we'd all be able to work normally again."

Everyone nodded.

"But they came back more or less the same, at least on Jim's part. If anything, _he_ looked even more freaked."

More nods.

"And now this, without a catalyst? Just out of the blue? My theory is that something has definitely happened. I just don't know… _what_, exactly. Spock would… I…" and here, just for a second, her smile was slightly more forced. "I'd be able to tell if Spock really was that happy."

McCoy put his hand on her shoulder, in an unusual display of gentleness.

"So… they might have tried to turn this on us?" Sulu asked incredulously, while Chekov said "Then this is all a lie?"

Murmurs of disappointment filled the Mess, until a sharp sound silenced everyone; Scotty had clapped his hands. "Come now, don't ye worry lads and lasses. We have a new advantage now, and we can still fix this, even completely."

"What advantage?" McCoy asked sceptically.

"Ach, see, they don't _know_ we know they know we know."

In the silence following this statement, Rand raised her hand. "I'm confused."

Chapel rolled her eyes. "Mr Scott obviously means we can turn this on _them_, since they think they've fooled us. But they haven't." If at first the nurse had been slightly heart-broken to find her impossible love of the science officer was unrequited, it didn't show anymore.

"Exactly." Scotty smiled broadly. "So are we agreed it's still on?"

There was a chorus of 'Yes's.

"Ooh, does this mean we can have some fun with them?" Marlena asked, a wicked glint in her eye.

"Eh… if you're being respectful and in keeping with the pre-established rules, I cannae see why not."

The Rules had been set after the Accidental Hand-Holding Fiasco of the 24th of August. They mostly had to do with meddling and interfering in the relationship, and, of course, the preservation of the Enterprise. While on duty it was forbidden to distract the Captain or the First Officer in any way, and if the mission was particularly gruelling or challenging, the topic was on-hold indefinitely. Mr Scott, for some reason, had ended up becoming the enforcer of said rules, as he was very concerned for the safety of the Starship and it's correct functioning. There were rumours about Scotty and his secret burning passionate love, too. He spoke to her with a tender care he never used with anything or anyone else, it was mystifying to watch, the force of his devotion would even keep him up at nights, take up all of his free time… everyone was currently flying on her.

But Uhura stood up. "Wait, Marlena. I don't want Spock under more stress than necessary. Nor Jim, of course, although they've both performed amazingly well given the… situation, and our attitude, which I have to admit has been kind of… annoying? I don't know, anyway, much as I like driving James Kirk slowly insane, I propose something else for this next stage."

"And what's that, Nyota?" McCoy asked, just a little bit afraid (but also looking kind of… awed).

"A plan of our own, of course."

*

"Do you think it's working?" Jim murmured quietly in Spock's ear, and then watched that ear become greener and greener. It was kind of cute, actually.

"I am… I remain uncertain."

Wow, a _rephrasing_. Spock's concentration must really be off today. Jim smirked.

They were sitting at an observation deck, much closer than either of them was comfortable with, but of course that was the point. It hadn't occurred to Jim or Spock that no one else was there, ergo without witnesses this was rather useless.

Or hadn't it?

"Seriously? I totally caught Chapel glaring at me. She's jealous." It filled Jim with glee and a strange sort of pride, that Spock was his. Not _really_, not ever, obviously this was all just pretend, but still…

Jim had come to a very strange state of mind since he and Spock had decided to 'fake it'. Because that was what they were doing, of course. The half-Vulcan had used a lot of long words and convoluted sentences to say it properly, but Jim had gotten where it was headed about half-way through the explanation, which had sped things up considerably and saved some time.

This new, delicate balance of Jim's feelings wavered between denial (he was great at that) and a sort of grudging acceptance of the fact that, well, Spock _was_ hot (in more ways than one, hee hee), and Jim was more or less okay with pretending to date a really hot guy who also happened to be his half-Vulcan first officer. As long as it stopped the crew from driving him insane with their wide smiling, Jim had decided he would live.

And although it was also slowly and sweetly killing him with confusing jumbled emotions, Jim liked spending time with his friend; the only physical contact they'd had so far was the one Vulcan kiss, which Spock had said Uhura would immediately recognise.

An ugly annoyance clouded Jim's features at that thought, but he pushed it away quickly. Heh, maybe he should become a Vulcan and learn about the teachings of Surak, he was getting _great_ at emotional suppression.

"Jealous?"

Jim was started out of his reverie. "_What_?"

"You say Nurse Chapel feels… jealousy toward you? Are you implying that is because she wishes to have me as you do?"

Jim's heart lurched. "Uh… yeah, that's it, more or less. Of course she doesn't know I don't really… have you." Now why had he felt the need to add that last sentence? What _purpose_ did it serve? "Not that… I mean, I don't… I…" And why was he still talking? Shut up, Kirk, shut up right now.

He did.

Thankfully Spock ignored his little crazy moment and chose to say something else.

"We should perhaps imply our relationship is sexual in nature, so as not to arouse suspicion."

Guh.

Jim's brain stuttered to a stop due to overuse, panic, stress, and the task of sending hormones raging through him every ten seconds while simultaneously ignoring their effects on his anatomy.

"Jim?"

"Could you… maybe say that again? Slowly?"

"I said, we should, perhaps, imply our relationship-"

"No, _no_, you know what? I take it back, it's okay, I don't need to hear it again."

Spock's raised eyebrow managed to say "I hear the words coming out of your mouth, they don't make sense, and if _I_ don't understand them they must be a testament to your stupidity, oh, and also, I'm _way_ smarter than you" without him actually having to utter a word.

Jim let his head drop onto the half-Vulcan's shoulder in pure exhaustion. It was nice and warm.

"Spock, what exactly are you suggesting?" He said finally.

"Perhaps you could sleep in my quarters tonight. I would be willing to offer my bed, as I am not tired presently and would prefer to work while you rest."

"Oh." He was strangely numb. "Okay. Thanks."

Spock turned to look into Jim's eyes. "You are certain this is a good idea?"

"Hey, you're the one who came up with it." And without bothering to think about it, Jim nuzzled closer into Spock's neck. A far away part of him registered the hollow at Spock's shoulder seemed rather ideally _made_ for him, and how cute it was that Spock was amazingly uncomfortable with all this contact, when Jim wasn't uncomfortable at _all_…

*

"Jim."

Spock's hands had sunk into his hair and were making soothing circular movements that did wonders for Jim's headache. He smiled with his eyes still closed, noting how his cheek was now resting against Spock's neck and his nose brushing Spock's jaw.

"I could kiss you, I swear."

He woke up soon after _that_. Blinking in surprise, he realised what he'd just said.

"Shit! Spock, I'm sorry, I didn't… mean…" But a warm finger on his lips stopped him, and Jim opened his eyes frantically to search Spock's face for any signs of… anything, really. But Spock's face was a cool mask again, and this meant one thing and one thing only: they weren't alone.

Jim looked around the observation deck, but it was quiet. "Spock, what-?" He began to whisper, and Spock shook his head and motioned to his ear.

Jim liked that ear. All pointy but soft, kind of like Spock.

Wait, he was getting distracted. God, this little sleep had done more harm than good, now he felt alert but exhausted and he wasn't sure how much time had passed.

"_What_?" Jim whispered.

Spock would have rolled his eyes if he could; instead the half-Vulcan seemed to settle for appearing exasperated at his Captain's dim wits without moving a muscle.

"I'm _so_ sorry, but I don't have super-hearing." Jim said sarcastically.

"Someone is coming, I thought perhaps this would be a good moment for a more… human interaction." And, again without so much as the twitch of an eyebrow, Spock's expression changed and became was uncertain, even tentative.

Suddenly Jim was electrically awake.

He could hear the steps too, coming closer, and a million things seemed to claim attention in his mind at the same time but he ignored all of them, registering only how very close Spock was, because speaking quietly apparently meant breathing the same air, and it would take a very small movement indeed for him to close that distance…

But Spock moved away, dropping his eyes to his lap. _No_! Jim's body screamed, but Spock was shifting farther along the bench, a look in his eye Jim didn't understand, and Jim heard the hiss of air that signalled the automatic door was about to open, and he grabbed at the fabric of Spock's shirt and tugged with all his strength until their lips meshed together.

Oh God, this was the moment, that moment everyone seemed to talk about but Jim had never quite felt himself. And it was beautiful and terrifying at the same time, and it was also amazing, because suddenly and with brutal clarity, Jim _knew_.

He was devouring Spock's lips hungrily, only to be met with equal force and warm hands that held his shoulders and brought him even closer, and a part of him could almost _hear_ his heart breaking because this wasn't _real_ and yet it was, it was so real it was the best thing to ever happen to him, by far the best, Spock was delicious and strong and Jim, Jim loved him.

"Jesus Jim, have mercy!"

The familiar rough voice brought it all crashing down.

Jim let go of Spock's shirt and looked at away immediately, not even daring to glance into this dark chocolate eyes in case he spilled his new secrets.

Curiously though, amidst the storm, he found at last some peace of mind, because if there was one thing Jim hated, that was _not_ knowing things, even things about himself, and now, at least, the confusion was over.

With a quiet sigh only Spock heard, Jim turned to McCoy and bravely plastered a wide grin on his face. "Didn't hear you come in, Bones. We were just stargazing." He said, then decided he had nothing to lose, and teasing his best friend was always fun, so he nipped Spock's ear, keeping his eyes on the poor doctor.

"Stargazing? Is that what you kids are calling it these…? Ugh, Jim! I'm serious, please! Don't…! Stop that!" McCoy put a hand over his eyes and stumbled backwards as though someone had shot him with a phaser set to kill. It was very dramatic, Jim thought with some amusement, and felt better instantly. At least he could still bounce back with ease.

"Stop what? This?"

He did it again, taking his time to lick the earlobe and bite the very pointy tip, but careful not to hurt Spock. A sudden sharp spike of arousal shot through him, but oddly it didn't seem to come from his own body, and it was gone an instant later. Jim was left feeling it's aftermath very keenly. What the…?

"Jim. I come in peace, _please_. I need to talk to you both, okay? Just… stop it."

"_Fine_. You're such a cry-baby, sheesh."

Jim slid away from Spock, who didn't move an inch, as though he'd become a statue that was part of the bench they sat on, hands making an indentation in the wood.

"What's up, Bones?"

"I know you two are lying."

Jim's jaw dropped, and he focused his attention completely on McCoy since the man had come inside.

"_What_?"

"We all do. Everyone knows."

"I… don't… what are you talking about?"

"Jim, everyone knows you're faking it. You're not really together."

"How… who…?"

"Nyota figured it out. She actually suggested I tell you, out of pity, mostly, I'm afraid."

"Uhura knows too?"

"I did say _everyone_ knew. Twice."

Jim groaned. "Oh come _on_! I can't catch a break, can I?"

McCoy walked over until he stood in front of them, and lowered his voice. "I'm helping you, okay? At least now you know we know you know we know you know."

"… _what_?"

"I believe the doctor is employing the use of his scarce vocabulary to convey his sympathy for our 'cause' so to speak." Much like it had been that time in Jim's room two days ago, Spock's voice now lacked a total inflection, and sounded disturbingly robotic, unlike his usual tone.

"You see right through me, don't you? You green-blooded hobg-"

"_Bones_. What do we do now?"

"Jim, you can be a narcissistic jackass with no self-restraint, no instinct of self-preservation, and a raging god-complex."

"I love you too, honey."

McCoy rolled his eyes. "But you've always been my friend. So I'm helping."

"… thanks, Bones." Jim managed a small, honest smile.

"With one condition."

Of course.

"Let's hear it."

"No kissing, no… demonstrations of any kind. Please, at least not in front of me, I like sleeping at night, I _enjoy_ the little sanity I have left."

Jim opened his mouth to ask why they would _demonstrate_ anything when McCoy already knew that their torrid love-affair wasn't real, but Spock was faster. The half-Vulcan stood up in an abrupt, tense movement.

"Dr McCoy, you clearly remain confused as to the authenticity of the relationship that exists between myself and the Captain. Perhaps I can clarify this for you: we only adopted this ruse in order to draw focus _away_ from our alleged feelings. There are no feelings between us. There is nothing, in fact, between us."

Jim's heart slowly stopped beating and he felt himself grow colder, and numb, and afraid of the pain that would hit when the numbness disappeared. Spock's voice gained volume and emotion, the word 'nothing' was practically a snarl or disgust.

"The feelings that you all imagine do not _exist_. We are tired of hearing nonsense coming from you and the rest of the crew, doctor, tired of dealing with a bunch of incompetent mindless individuals who cannot even discern between reality and fiction." He was very, very angry, and Jim _hurt_. "It is ridiculous and irrational and above all, it is the most illogical hypothesis I have ever heard, so there is no reason why the Captain and I would express romantic physical affection outside of this scheme which is only operative in order to shut you all up!"

Ow.

Oh _ow_, this… this was... _ow_.

Curiously, McCoy looked relatively unfazed, but Jim was feeling a kind of ache he'd never felt before, and he'd rather take on a hundred red ice monsters from Delta Vega than experience another minute of it.

He stood up and left, quite simply because he knew he couldn't look at Spock without bursting into tears, and if there was one thing James T. fucking Kirk didn't do, that was _cry_, dammit!

"Jim!"

To Jim's utter horror and surprise, it was Spock who called out to him. Like the stupid idiot that he was, Jim stopped walking right in the doorframe, but didn't turn around.

In an instant Spock had run over to him and stood in front of him. The mask seemed to be back in place, but it wasn't quite as comfortable nor as calm as usual.

"I would like to apologise if I said something that offended you. That was not my intention. Do you accept my apology?"

Jim just nodded mutely.

"Thank you. I am in dire need of meditation, and perhaps rest, too." The pleading tone Spock's voice had taken mollified Jim more than the actual words he said. "Vulcans are not comfortable with lying, and this entire situation is very… unusual for me. My sincere apologies, again. I did not mean the… insults. I trust and respect every member of the crew, even Dr McCoy."

"Gee, thanks, Spock." Came the voice behind them. But McCoy didn't sound offended at all. Jim was left wondering what it was about Spock's speech exactly that had sliced through him like that.

"You are welcome, doctor." The half-Vulcan didn't even glance backward. "_Jim_. I admire and respect you. You are a very capable Captain, intelligent, if sometimes irrational, and brave." Spock's hand reached tentatively toward him until it was resting on Jim's shoulder, very warm and comforting, and Jim found to his huge surprise that he was smiling. "Please… please forgive me."

"Of course I do, Spock. Forget about it."

Those _eyes_. Those dark, smouldering, beautiful _eyes_. How had Jim done it? How had he denied everything he was feeling for so long? He was kind of impressed with himself, actually.

"Perhaps tonight we might discuss our strategy further? And I shall meditate to avoid future outbursts like this one." Shame and regret dripped from every word Spock said, and Jim realised he'd live with this unrequited love thing and deal with it like the mature adult he totally was, because more than anything he wanted to keep Spock as a friend.

"Sure, if I don't disturb you that's a great plan. Plus, I bet they're not expecting us to have sex!" He punched his first officer playfully, hoping to produce a small smile or at least one raised eyebrow.

Success on both counts! _Yes_!

"Well, we would be creating the illusion of sexual intercourse occurring in my quarters. We would not _actually_…"

"Yeah, yeah that's what I meant, of course."

"I see."

"Yeah."

…

Watching them oogle each other like that, red and green blushes in place, McCoy was tempted to just yell "Denial much?" and see what happened.

* * *

**People, it's growing. I can't help it, they just keep doing stuff I don't tell them to, and now it's gotten a little bit bigger than I ****originally intended. You can expect a Part 3, already in the works, maybe even Part 4 (although hopefully not).**

**Oh, and t****he angst-meter will go down after this chappie, I promise :)**

**Also, hurray for the crew as rabid fangirls! I keep getting this urge to write myself in****to this as an instigator! But I'm afraid fic!Me would just march up to Kirk, say "Spock loves you, go jump him right now" and that would be that.**

Reviews are my drug.

Indulge the addict.


	3. Chapter 3

**For you I will wake**

* * *

Part Three: Open your eyes

* * *

Two days ago Jim had snapped and confronted his feelings for his first officer. It had taken him forty-eight hours to actually _process_ them, and one amazing kiss for _that_ to actually register, but he'd done it. And hey, he was quite proud. He'd finally figured out what he wanted, even if that had turned out to be something he could never have.

But now, mere hours after his revelation, his discovery of what unrequited love felt like, to be asked to do… this? This was gonna be so hard.

_Universe__? _

_Yeah you, y__ou cruel bastard._

_You suck__._

*

"Spock! Open up!"

Passing crew-members could barely conceal their amazed, stunned faces when they saw Jim banging his fist against the door to Spock's quarters. Obviously he had the Captain's override codes, but since the whole point was that people see him there, he yelled as loudly as he could.

"Spock! Are you in the shower or something?"

Now _there_ was an image his libido could have done without.

In the end, it had been pure luck that his and Spock's shifts coincided that day and they were off-duty at more or less the same time, since usually Spock worked longer hours than Jim, though they tended to be less hectic.

"Spo-!"

The door hissed open in a rush of air, and Jim… closed his eyes.

It was Spock all right.

With a towel.

Spock with _just_ a towel.

_Wet_ Spock, with just a towel.

Looking rather greener than usual, probably flushed because his water was scalding hot. Gleaming hair and shining torso, Spock in all his glory. His chest was lightly dusted with dark hair, also soaked, and Jim wished he didn't have such great photographic memory. Did he mention the wet part? And the towel? What about the _just a freakin' towel and nothing else_ part?

"Hey, turns out I was right." Jim croaked weakly.

"Jim, open your eyes." Spock said, just quiet enough that only he could hear. "Or they will think you have never seen me like this before and our attempt to 'get' them shall be ruined."

A small bubble of hysterical laughter threatened to escape Jim's throat, but he did as he was told, regretted it two seconds later, and didn't close his eyes. "Yeah, well, I _haven't_ really seen you like this before, have I?" He muttered under his breath, and stepped inside, pushing past Spock and his wet godliness.

Before the door closed behind them, Jim heard the sound a crowd makes when they're trying not to make a sound, and he turned and realised a group of people (mostly women, but a few men, too) were gaping at Spock like they had only realised now that he was very, very… gapeable. Or whatever.

Resisting the urge to yell "Hah! Suckers, he's mine!" Jim grinned his wide, cocky grin that he knew drove people to commit thought murder, and the door hissed shut.

So, he was in Spock's quarters. He'd been here before, but never right after Spock had taken a shower, and… whew. It was like stepping into an oven. Jim started to sweat immediately, and took off his golden uniform top so he was left with the simple black undershirt.

"Forgive me, Captain, I had not estimated your time of arrival with sufficient accuracy. As you can see, I am not yet ready. Please, do not hesitate to lower the ambient temperatures so you are more comfortable, I am quite accustomed to average human conditions."

"Don't worry about it, Spock."

Huh, the water actually evaporated off Spock's body, so it looked like he was _literally_ steaming hot.

"I insist Jim. You must sleep in this room, after all."

Yeah _right_. There would be no sleeping for Jim tonight.

"Okay, just please go put some clothes on." He blurted it out before he could stop himself, but now it was said and he wasn't going to take it back.

"Of course."

The door to the bathroom shut behind Spock's tall, lean form and Jim collapsed onto the bed.

He'd never realised Spock smelled amazing. Or, well maybe he had but it was bBMR (before Brain-Melting Realisation). Here in his room it was concentrated and very noticeable. It wasn't a particularly strong smell, but it sure was real nice, kind of smooth and fresh and alien. Exotic.

Lying there, on Spock's bed (which was where Spock slept, which was _awesome_), and thinking about how smell tasted and with the heat plastering even the black undershirt to his skin, Jim stretched gracefully, like a lazy cat, and sighed deeply. He could do this. Come on, Kirk. Control yourself, it's not that hard, apparently people do it occasionally.

He closed his eyes, feeling oddly peaceful, like he belonged where he was.

"Jim."

Jim yelped and sprang up, his reflexes agile even when he felt like he was about to sink into the bed. Today was turning out to be a pretty rough day, and apparently the stupid universe wasn't willing to make it _better_.

Spock was looking at him, leaning against the door to the bathroom that had closed behind him mere seconds ago. At least he was dressed now, thank God. For some reason, though, that didn't help as much as Jim had hoped, since the colour black suited Spock really well.

His head was cocked to the side, and he appeared deep in thought. Key word here being 'appeared', because his face was once again expressionless. That jet-black hair hadn't been properly dried, because a few drops trickled down his face and neck.

Oh boy.

And it wasn't perfectly straight or orderly either. It was… messy.

"Hey, Spock."

Jim's voice come out rather deeper than he'd intended, and hoarse. He coughed, then stood up from the bed, feeling a bit guilty, like a naughty child caught doing something wrong.

"What's up?"

Brilliant, Kirk. Spectacular.

"Jim, I feel I must once again apologise for losing control earlier today."

Jim shook his head, glad to see that terrible ache had eased somewhat since Spock's verbal thrashing. "Nah, it's okay."

"It is not. As you know I delegated my tasks today and spent the majority of my time meditating in order to ensure that does not happen again."

His Captain nodded.

"I am… sorry."

"Are you admitting to an emotion, Spock?" Jim teased, wanting to leave this dangerous topic. But it didn't work, because Spock just stood there, not denying it, and Jim's heartbeat stuttered.

"Listen, I said it's okay. I mean that, Spock. The last time you lost it…" They both flinched at the memory, though Spock's was more of a slight clenching of his right hand, clearly he didn't even notice. "… that time was a _physical_ outburst, not a verbal one, but I know that wasn't _you_ doing that. Not the real you. To me, the same principle applies here. This was just as much out of your control as then. I know you didn't mean to say those things. It's forgotten."

Spock nodded curtly and walked over to his desk, where he sat down. When his back was to Jim, he spoke in a surprisingly soft voice. "Thank you, Captain."

Jim decided he'd had enough angst for the day.

"I really wish you wouldn't call me that when we're pretending to have sex, Spock."

A low sound Spock clearly hadn't meant Jim to hear escaped his first officer's lips. It was strange, probably Vulcan, and Jim thought it sounded a lot like a small hiccup that might have hidden a laugh. Either way the sound was happy, and Jim wished Spock would turn around so he could read his face, he wished it so desperately he almost walked over and did it himself.

"It occurs to me that you might find it stimulating to be reminded of your superior rank during an intimate moment."

Wha-?

"Was that a _joke, _Mr Spock?"

"No." His tone was perfectly deadpan.

Jim burst out laughing while his mind reeled, going in two very opposite directions. One was loudly and happily celebrating that he'd gotten Spock to tell a joke, which was great, but the other… the other was contemplating what Spock had said, and liking it just a little too much.

"Jim, while I am always glad to be a source of amusement for you, should you not rest now?"

Jim's laughter died down to a low chuckling, and he nodded. "Sure, Spock. Are you, uh, certain you wouldn't like to sleep?"

"No. As I said before, I do not need to sleep at this moment, I will work instead. Vulcans require less hours of sleep than humans do."

"Yeah, I know that, you keep reminding me."

"Make yourself comfortable, Jim." Was all his first officer said.

There was an awkward pause and it seemed to Jim that both he and Spock realised something at the same time. Spock turned around slowly in his rotating chair, then stood up.

"You brought nothing with you from your room, Captain?"

Jim rolled his eyes and yes, he and Spock were definitely on the same page.

"About that…"

"Jim, you did not bring the appropriate clothing to change into, did you?"

"Uh… I may have forgotten my pajamas, yes."

Up went the eyebrow.

"I am assuming you did not do this intentionally?"

"'Course not! I'm just not used to taking pj's when I go… sleep somewhere else."

"You are implying there is no need to be clothed when you are not in your own bed, Jim?"

"Hey, sometimes not even then."

The other eyebrow followed. They both glared at Jim, who felt a bit cornered.

"Eh… I didn't mean... well, sort of, that's how it usually, uh, goes down. But in my defense, I've been sleeping in my own bed for the past half year, okay?"

This, at last, made Spock drop his superior tone (in other words, his _normal_ tone) and appear genuinely surprised.

"You have not had sexual intercourse in six months?"

"I was trying not to _say_ that…" Jim muttered, annoyed. "I'm the Captain of this ship, Mr Spock." Hey, where did the 'Mr' come from? Maybe he was _really_ annoyed. "I can't just go around being that guy, you know? I don't want to… ugh, forget it. I'll just go to my quarters and get a pair of pants or something."

"You must not leave." Spock said immediately, and maybe just a little louder than was required for such a small room.

"Why not?"

"If you are seen to exit my quarters 9,42 minutes after entering them, the crew might draw the wrong conclusions."

Jim felt this was a little odd for a logical explanation, but decided he wasn't going to push it.

"Okay. Then I guess I can just sleep in my uniform…" he trailed off, thinking it was gonna be pretty uncomfortable in those pants with the heat.

Spock had apparently thought similarly, as he pointed out: "The fabric of our respective uniforms is not ideal for repeated friction with a sensitive-"

"_Fine_, so I'll sleep in my underwear." Jim said exasperatedly.

"That seems the most logical course of action." Spock nodded, apparently satisfied and smug once more, which Jim couldn't resist poking at.

"That's what you were going for from the get-go, wasn't it, you pervert?"

It worked. Spock's eyes widened and his mouth became a thin line; he seemed torn between horror, disbelief, anger and a kind of shocked incredulity. His face, as ever, was reserved, but that didn't fool Jim anymore. He felt grimly proud of his ability to see through Spock's walls.

"You are _grievously_ mistaken, Captain, if you remain under the impression that I will derive any sort of sexual pleasure from the sight of your body."

Jim's grin slipped from his face.

"Right."

He took off his shoes a little more aggressively than was really necessary.

"I have offended you again." Spock said, this time surprised.

"No you haven't, Spock. Why would you offend me?"

"I apologise."

"For what?"

"… I am not certain."

Jim laughed, glad to shrug off his sudden, irrational anger, because it was kind of horrible to be so vulnerable to Spock's every word. "It's okay, Spock. I guess I must be very tired."

"I did not mean to suggest your body is not appealing. Sexually." Jim groaned, but Spock didn't understand that meant STOP. "Many of the crew, in fact, have repeatedly pointed out to me the aspects of your anatomy they find most attractive. It is true that your facial bone structure, full lips, athletic build, and of course your large eyes, and the fairly unusual bright colouring of your irises, are very-"

"Oh God, Spock... _stop_. Please. Not that I don't like hearing you list my most... what was that? Attractive aspects of my anatomy?"

Spock didn't answer.

"But I can't... handle this right now. I think we should just, not talk about my... that you... just _not _mention it. Ever again. Ever."

Spock nodded, deep in thought once more, and finally said simply: "You require sleep. As I have said before, you may use my bed."

"Thanks."

Feeling self-conscious but trying not to let it show, Jim stripped off his pants and, after a second's hesitation, also took off his shirt. Spock's bed was made, but Jim knew he wouldn't be putting _more_ layers on, so he jumped in without bothering to slip under the covers.

"Jim, may I ask a question?"

"Shoot."

There was a pause.

"Ask away, Spock."

"Why do humans insist on wearing coloured patterns on their underclothes? Those stripes… what purpose do they serve?"

Jim smiled broadly into the pillow.

"Jim?"

"Goodnight, Spock."

*

Spock was unable to work at his usual, methodical pace. His eyes kept moving over to his Captain's sleeping form, the planes of a large, broad back and hard, defined muscles underneath cast in the glowing light of his room. The Captain's underwear remained an enigma to the Vulcan, and he had the fleeting vision of himself removing said garment to examine it further. Although in that image, somehow, the garment lay discarded on the floor.

Spock blinked in an attempt to rid himself of such imaginings. Jim lay curled up on his side, facing away from him. Jim was a beautiful creature. Perfect in his figure, both graceful and strong, innocent and… not.

A strange feeling of possessiveness surprised Spock in it's sudden appearance, as he despised the notion of people as property of something other than themselves. He shut the emotion off immediately, but the thought remained in his conscious, that Jim was _his_, and no one else's. Having the Captain in his room elicited many irrational responses similar to that thought, responses Spock had to work to control, and he was thankful of his Vulcan anatomy that he could regulate his own bodily functions. Tomorrow he would need to meditate for an extended period of time once again, and suppress these unacceptable thoughts. These... _wrong _thoughts.

Spock closed his eyes as, with a piercing clarity, his perfect, detailed memory showed him the scene from earlier in the day when Jim had kissed him. He understood the logic behind revisiting the memory, of course. Because it reminded him why Jim was forbidden and Spock must not move from his desk chair and give in to the urge... the urge to touch Jim, to stroke his back and let his tongue trail paths over the cool, smooth skin. To sink his hands in Jim's hair, and kiss Jim again, and again, again... to entwine their fingers and then...

No. That would not happen. And now, finally, Spock had concrete proof of Jim's true feelings, which was why his memory chose that moment to dwell on, presently.

At first, there on the cold bench, Spock had been stunned to realise he'd let Jim bodily force him to accept that intimate Human gesture. But soon all he could think about was the surge of emotion he'd been unable to repress, something so complete, as Jim's lips parted and Spock was consumed by what was happening, something he'd never felt before with another being, not Nyota, not anyone: fear of losing control, because it tested every bit of his resistance, yet he loved that test for what it meant, loved the hunger deep within him and wanted it more, closer, wanted _more_…

And through the flames in Spock's mind had shined a light that was Jim's own, and for one second it was a jumble of lust and want just like Spock's, but then it changed, flooded by a negative emotion Spock didn't understand. And although Jim kept kissing him, it was clear the action caused him pain, and Spock didn't know why, and then with a gasp they drew apart and the connection with Jim's mind was instantly severed. Spock could no longer see the bright light. He couldn not see anything. He was plunged into his usual darkness, made blacker by the memory of what had been there and was now gone.

Clearly Jim did not return Spock's impossible emotions. He had already theorised as much. The only remaining problem was the fact that Spock had not anticipated the gravity of his own reaction to the knowledge. But with more meditation he could learn to suppress that, too. He was sure of it. Perhaps not a 100 percent sure, but... quite certain. 98,736 percent, in fact.

A movement at the bed caused Spock to open his eyes. Jim had shifted and now lay flat on his back, eyelids closed, obviously asleep. Spock realised he must push back the feeling threatening to cause his unused tear ducts to secrete lachrymal fluid, and with a considerable effort he managed it.

Focusing his mind on other things to ensure it didn't come back, Spock let himself examine Jim's sleeping form once more. His Captain's strong arms lay at his sides and his breathing was profound and relaxed. Spock, with his conflicting, dark emotions, with his terrible, illogical desires, envied Jim's current state of being more than anything.

Because he craved that Human with a force that was not logical.

*

"Did you see the Captain's _face_ this morning? It didn't happen."

"Are you listening to yourself? They slept in the _same _freakin' _room_!"

"That doesn't mean they slept together."

"But they slept in the…! Oh come on, are you serious? Even if something hadn't happened before, which I _still_ doubt, surely it would have happened now?"

"Nothing happened, I'm telling you. Kirk looked like someone had dangled a carrot in front of his face for ten hours and not let him bite."

"Okay, that is _so _wrong!"

"Shut up, I didn't mean it like that!"

"I still totally say they did it. This is James T. Kirk we're talking about."

"Nope. I'm totally not making this up, make sure you check out the Captain's expression next time you're called to the bridge. You'll see."

"Fine, I'll do that. Now, about the sightings of Spock with a towel…"

"I know. I couldn't believe it either, but apparently Greg from Communications saw it, and it's all true."

"Damn, I wish I'd been there."

"Me too, girl. Me too."

* * *

**THE END.**

**Well, it's over, folks. What a great time I've had with you, thanks for all the support and... Nah, just kidding.**

**But I would like to say, ****thank you all SO much for the wonderful feedback I got! Seriously, you rock. Totally. I don't think my ego can take much more… nope, wait, YES it can ;)**

**So, th****ere **_**is**_** a Part 4. Obviously. But this is _definitely _****the last one, I tell you! No, really! The actual last one!**


	4. Chapter 4

**For you I ****will wake**

* * *

Part Four: Blink

* * *

"I kind of feel bad for them." Said Ensign Frii with a sigh. She was a young Orion woman in charge of PADD updates and helping with general software actualisations. She was eating in the Mess, along with her two best friends, and discussing the matter sitting a few tables to their right.

"Bad?" This was Lt. Gurn G'Narena, one of Giotto's red shirts, a sarcastic, surly man who tended to keep to himself but had inexplicably developed a fondness for the Ensign (and they got along like Klingons and tribbles, which of course meant one thing and one thing only). "Oh please, stubborn denial is not a terminal disease, it's just _stubborn_. They need to lighten up."

"Lighten up? They are in _pain_!" Frii crooned, covertly glancing at the Captain and First Officer eating together.

"Seriously? They seem pretty happy and comfortable to me, Frii." Said Ryda Miko from Engineering; a quiet, ironic woman who was one of the few of people not involved (or interested) in the Kirk and Spock romance. She, too, liked the young Orion girl, and tended to mother her in her own way.

"That's just because when they are together it's easy to forget that their relationship is not true, and slip into a dream world of happiness, but once reality comes crashing down…"

"You're such a hopeless romantic, Frii. It's kind of sad." G'Narena said matter-of-factly. Frii glared at him, her bright red hair falling slightly from it's high ponytail so a couple of tendrils framed her face.

"I am _not_. It's true, you'll see."

G'Narena quirked an eyebrow and turned to look over his shoulder at the couple in question. Fortunately for him the Captain didn't notice, but Mr Spock flashed an almost angry, dangerous look that spelled 'Back off' in bright, bold letters.

"Stop it, Gurn. You're about as subtle as an hippopotamus, you know that right?" Muttered Ryda nervously.

"What's an hippot- what's that?" Frii asked worriedly.

"A very large, fat, ugly, unsubtle Earth mammal." Ryda answered.

"I'm not fat or ugly, I'm tall, slim and handsome, _and_ I think Mr Spock looks pretty much the same as he always does." Gurn said, perfectly deadpan.

Ryda rolled her eyes, knowing he liked to tease the pretty Ensign on purpose, since obviously giving strong warning looks was _not_ usual behaviour for the ever-serious and composed First Officer.

"Are you _blind_? Mr Spock is suffering in _silence_."

"He's Vulcan, and he doesn't suffer."

"That's _not_… ugh! Forget it. Did you hear about the towel incident?" Frii turned to Ryda, pretending to ignore G'Narena completely.

"Yes, and I find that easier to believe than that Mr Spock secretly pines for the Captain. They're friends, is all, and this faked relationship is a ploy to stop people like you from annoying them. Leave the poor men alone, Frii."

"When you're proven wrong, can I be there and watch?" The young woman asked testily.

Just then, Ensign Rand walked over to the couple. She and Frii got along quite well, but everyone knew Rand had had a major crush on the Captain when they first met, even if now she seemed okay with everything that was going on.

The small trio couldn't hear what was being said, but for a moment Mr Spock's face seemed greener than usual. Then Jim looked at him and laughed.

The sound was… strange. Frii sighed, recognising it as a slightly hysterical, nervous laugh. What had Rand said to him?

But the blonde Ensign seemed to be expecting something, as she still stood there, watching them. With mounting horror, Ryda Miko realised what that was.

The Captain glanced at Mr Spock, shrugged, and said something in a low voice. Spock nodded once, curtly, and then just sat there like a robot that had powered down, staring straight ahead, the only sign to indicate distress (to anyone observant enough to see it) was that he sat with his hands clutching the chair so strongly he was carving grooves in the metal.

Kirk was right next to him, already sitting close, so it really wasn't that obvious or even noticeable, and all he had to do was tilt his head slightly …But in an instant the entire Mess hall went silent, as everyone whirled around to watch the Captain kiss the First Officer.

"This is so inappropriate I can't even begin to-"

"Shut up, Ryda." Frii hissed. "It's Rand's fault, not theirs."

Jim leaned in and planted a sweet, chaste kiss on Spock's lips. Spock didn't move, didn't react, didn't do anything: the Vulcan seemed to be impersonating the chair he sat on. At first.

Rand clapped her hands and giggled, and Jim leaned back with a slightly pained expression on his face but seeming relieved. He turned back to his food, apparently satisfied he'd humoured the Ensign long enough, and everything was mostly back to normal.

Until something totally unexpected happened.

Unexpected, but incredible.

In a sudden movement, Spock seized Jim's shirt front and brought him aggressively close. Their lips didn't touch but they were literally nose to nose, mouths an inch apart, breathing heavily, and the Captain's eyes were wide with wonder, trapped staring at Spock's face. Hypnotised. Fascinated. For ten amazingly long, tense seconds they just stared at each other, as every single person held their breath.

And then Spock kissed Jim just as softly as Jim had kissed Spock before, and let him go with slow gentleness.

They returned to their food with mirror blushes on their faces, and didn't look at Ensign Rand again, who stood behind them with her mouth hanging slightly open.

"Oh my _God_." Frii covered her mouth with a hand and turned to Ryda. "I dare you to say it's all fake. Seriously, try it Miko. _Try_ saying they're not totally in love and I'll strip naked and dance the conga."

"Can I just go up to them and _tell_ them?" Gurn said suddenly. "All this angst is getting on my nerves."

"No!" Frii cried, horrified. Gurn laughed, and Ryda snorted. "They'll wake up to that on their own, Gurn, don't you dare upset them!"

"_When_ will they wake up?"

"Any second now, I'm sure!"

*

"Five years later…"

"Oh shut up, it's been a day."

"Yeah, and you said-"

"Twenty-four hours is-"

"A _lot_ of seconds."

"Give them time."

*

"I said give them time."

"I'm waiting, Frii."

"It's been two days, Gurn."

*

Jim woke abruptly with that disorientating feeling of free-falling until he crashed into the bed. His confused brain was alert enough that he managed to register this wasn't _his_ bed, it was Spock's, but… oh. Before anything else could be processed, he realised he had a serious Problem.

Yesterday had been the second night they'd decided (at Jim's suggestion this time) that he should sleep over. And hey, it started out pretty well. Spock opened the door fully clothed, Jim brought some pajama bottoms, and there were no discussions about the most attractive aspects of Jim's anatomy. Some might even call this a success. Jim managed to fall asleep just as (surprisingly) easily as the last time, and Spock worked at his desk, only occasionally breathing a little more rapidly or clenching his hands into fists (then looking murderously at them until they relaxed), although for obvious reasons of unconsciousness, Jim did not witness this last hiccup.

But alas, this morning's Problem made that first, awkward, tense, just-a-towel-no-pajamas night seem like a breeze.

It wouldn't be such a big deal if Jim had been alone, or if a whole lot of other mitigating factors hadn't turned a normal… reaction into a fully fledged Disaster. But unfortunately, those factors were the following:

One, he had no sheets to cover the… evidence. He was lying on top of them, shirtless once more, and even so covered in a sheen of sweat (due to the elevated temperatures of the room, and _nothing_ else. Probably).

Two, it was a pretty big Problem.

Three, the worst thing about it was that the dreams which had brought on the Problem in the first place had had one particular starring actor, and-

Four, he was looking at Jim right now.

Now, let it not be said that Jim couldn't respond under pressure. Hell, James T. freakin' _Kirk_, he thrived in it. He had this amazing capacity for processing information at lightning speed, selecting the most valuable or important points and then coming up with the best course of action. It didn't matter how long it took people to actually understand _why_ it was the best course of action (sometimes not until the last second), only that they trusted him and did as they were ordered.

However, this was not really a life-or-death, oh-Captain-the-shields-are-down-what-do-we-do-now? Kind of thing. This was more of a shit-he's-staring-at-me-and-I-can't-get-those-fucking-dreams-out-of-my-head-and-it's-almost-like-he-knows-what-he's-done-to me… like he _knows_…

"Jim."

Spock's hands were clenched into fists. Jim didn't see this, though, because he was still held captive by Spock's dark, dark eyes.

Seriously, they were so stunningly dark, like a blackness deep and vast and all-consuming, but filled to the brim with enigmas and codes and puzzles, and he could just spend all day staring at them like an idiot and he'd never grow bored or tired or anything, he'd just be cheesy and sappy and he wouldn't _care_.

"What?" He said defiantly, automatically reverting back to his usual defense mechanism and not bothering to hide himself, instead lifting his chin just slightly upwards.

"Something you'd like to say, Spock?"

Spock's eyes gave away the things that Spock didn't want to give away, they whispered all those buried secrets, they tricked him, betrayed him.

Spock's eyes spilled emotions.

"No."

Spock was staring at Jim with parted lips and slow breaths.

"You sure?"

The green flush and heated gaze were making Jim harder.

"No."

The shorts Jim wore were loose, and the moment was tense, stretched so taunt it was fragile.

And in an exhalation of movement Spock left Jim sitting on his bed alone and fled his own quarters.

Jim stared at the door-panel, bewildered and amazed and kind of stunned dumb, also completely oblivious to the fact that he was sporting what McCoy affectionately called his "kicked puppy" look.

Then Spock came back.

Jim barely had time to process his disbelief that the door opened again, and Spock walked over until he stood right in front of Jim and spoke clearly and precisely.

"My apologies, I did not intend to leave."

"I'm sure it was an accident, Spock." Jim said dryly, still reeling a little from all of it. After all, he'd woken up not five minutes ago.

Spock sat down on his desk chair again, and took a deep breath.

"I am not uncomfortable." He stated finally.

Jim almost burst out laughing, because this _had_ to be the Number One amongst his Top Ten Uncomfortable Moments list.

"Really? 'Cause you kind of look it, dude."

Spock raised at eyebrow at that (the 'dude', apparently), and stood up again. Uncomfortable _and_ restless, Jim thought, no matter what Spock might say with a straight face, his first officer was totally out of sorts. Lately this was almost an everyday state, for both of them, actually.

"I am not. I do not wish you to be, either. Forgive my outburst."

"Yeah, that was quite an impressive reaction, I mean, getting up and _leaving_? Talk about _outburst_, I thought you were going to choke me again there for a sec."

No one laughed.

"Sorry, that was lame."

"If you mean disabled, weak, ineffectual or unsatisfactory, then yes, I believe it was. But it was also irrelevant, as is your apology."

Jim opened his mouth to say something (he wasn't very sure what, but _something_ was definitely going to be said), when he was interrupted.

"Jim, I understand this is a normal, acceptable situation among human males."

"Never comfortable, though." Jim pointed out helpfully, unable to stop a small, cheeky grin.

Apparently Spock didn't quite know how to react to that, and he kept talking.

"You are subject to the whims of your bodily functions and an over-stimulated brain dominated by emotional and biological imperatives, which completely takes control during your sleeping state. Your prefrontal cortex is dormant and no electrical impulses…"

Jim could have sworn that, just for a second, Spock's eyes flickered down south before snapping back to his face. Therefore, he heard approximately half of what was said next.

"… travel from it to the rest of your neurons in order to inhibit them. You have, obviously, no control over them as I, a Vulcan, do over mine. It is illogical for me to leave my quarters at this instance due to a socio-ethical code of moral conduct which does not apply to you, as you are Human."

"Clearly." Jim croaked.

"Precisely."

"Although, Spock, I have to ask: do you _realise_ that sometimes, you can sound real condescending when you say I'm subject to the whims of my own body?"

"Condescension has negative connotations." Spock sounded almost surprised. Jim smiled sweetly.

"Yeah it does, Spock."

"You do not… 'like' me saying you lack self-control?"

"It's not just that, it's not _true_. And you _know_ this; Humans control their own impulses just fine-"

"I agree, just not while you sleep. You are at this moment a perfect example to illustrate my point."

Ah. This time it was pretty deliberate; Spock looked down. Jim swallowed, definitely Not Comfortable.

"Uh, okay. That… yes, you're right. But only about the sleeping thing."

"I _was_ only referring to your resting state, did you not hear me correctly? I never meant to suggest you were exclusively an impulse-driven animal. You are a very intellectual being."

Jim heard 'animal'.

Then he heard a really cute compliment.

"Thanks, Spock."

Then his brain melted due to reasons of happiness.

"I would never allow you to command a ship such as the Enterprise if that weren't the case, Jim."

"Oh. Lovely."

There was a moment of silence, and then Jim stood up in all his sweaty, among-other-stuff glory.

"Now, I'm gonna go shower, if that's okay with you."

"I do not have any objections to your nudity in my quarters. I assure you it does _not _make me uncomfortable." Spock said quickly and firmly.

This time Jim couldn't help it, and he burst out laughing.

*

While Jim was away from Spock, and out of Spock's sight and vision, and hidden from Spock's eyes that could _not_, no matter how they might try to, see through a door… Spock paced.

He did not care for human habits, and although he was aware of some of his subconscious ones existing, but he did not normally purposefully indulge them.

This time, he felt the situation merited an exception be made, as the even, calculated steps helped drown the sounds coming from behind the door which could not (should not, under any circumstances) be opened.

He needed an extensive period of meditation to stop himself from doing things he might later regret. This thought then brought another: his daily hours of meditation had significantly increased since he and Jim had begun this endeavour, as had his need for them. Spock noted the added frequency of similar responses, too: an unusual difficulty to suppress his emotions, to exercise control over his actions, to be careful in his interactions with Jim.

Spock had lived all his life by the teachings of Surak. He firmly believed in the philosophy. He was a true, logical being. He even felt… something akin to pride at the thought, although of course it would be completely paradoxal to feel proud of repressing one's emotions. And still, he would never forget he also had Human aspects. Jim had once said something about it; he had told Spock it must be 'awesome' to have something of two worlds. Spock had never thought of his double heritage in that way before, and he had felt a strange and unjustified increase in his already rapid heart-rate at his Captain's comment.

But he stopped walking when this particular thought crossed his mind, sensing oncoming frustration at the futility of the task, after all, and deciding to avoid it entirely. Why did walking help them achieve a relaxed state? Humans continued to confound him, at least _that_ had not changed since James T. Kirk had begun to fascinate him.

Spock stood, instead, perfectly motionless at the center of the room. But since he'd stopped the rhythmic pace, his sensitive ears picked up the sound of the water with perfect clarity, of the moist rain falling, of movements made slick by the wet and of Jim's fast breaths and a low groan that-

No. Enough.

He finally came to a decision, wrote a quick note to Jim explaining he needed to check some equipment in the science labs, and left. It was technically true, although he knew it could be interpreted as a lie. Except that Vulcans didn't lie, of course.

Yeah _right_, Spock.

* * *

**Okay. So… when I said this was totally the last one?**

**I… may have been exaggerating a little?**

**Oh God, please don't kill me! The next bit is almost done and will be posted so soon you wouldn't believe! I promise! It was either wait longer and read one HUGE update, or this now and the Final Part in like, no time at all!**

**Plus, who doesn't want to read about a sweaty Jim Kirk? I mean, seriously? Well, if you review, he's gonna come and visit! Do it, click the lovely green (yeah, GREEN!) button and you'll see! ;)**

**Also, I hope this isn't too angsty. I've tried making it as funny as possible and light enough. What do you think? The next part has more fun stuff, too.**


	5. Chapter 5

**For you I ****am awake**

* * *

Part Five: And See the Morning Light

* * *

"Can I _please_ just slip Commander Spock some chocolate and lock them in a room together until something happens? Please?"

"Dammit that's not… hang on."

"What?"

"We might have something here, after all."

"Chocolate?"

"No, not _chocolate_ you idiot. But the other thing… is actually a pretty good idea…"

*

"Frii told me last night." Chekov whispered. "It is true. Right in front of ewerybody, too. And it was Meester Spock, who did it."

"This has to be some kind of record. Or something. Right? Some kind of… _something_." Sulu said, looking at the other three people gathered around the Communications Station of the bridge. Jim was in Sickbay waiting to receive a few 'emergency' vaccine shots at Nurse Chapel's hands before they dropped out of warp, and Spock was in his quarters, meditating.

The scene in the Mess had happened yesterday, and obviously had spread like wildfire. It was now 2310 hours, and the day had been rather uneventful, all things considered. All the crew needed to do tonight was to be on the bridge monitoring the equipment, since it was still another twenty hours before they got to Forn VI. This meant, of course, that they could talk without fear of interruption (it was a relatively safe, known Quadrant that would not pose problems to navigation).

"I can't believe it myself." Uhura said quietly.

McCoy rolled his eyes. "We should talk about other stuff, don't you think? Interestin' stuff. Normal stuff. Please? Just… just _try_ it. It might be nice."

"You're such a baby." Uhura joked, and punched him lightly.

"I'm a _doctor_." But he was grudgingly smiling, too.

"Is the plan still in place?" Chekov asked, lowering his voice unconsciously.

"_O' course_!"

This was Scotty's voice coming from Uhura's intercom, as the Engineer was still in his station. "_We cannae back down now! This is the moment to act_!"

"But how to make sure they both go in there at the same time? I mean, everyone's ready but we still need, you know, _Kirk and Spock_ for this." Sulu said.

"Don't worry, I've arranged that." McCoy grumbled.

"What?"

"You?"

"_You_?"

"What? Don't act so surprised, I'm the first who wants all this drama out of my sight. Look, Jim's shots aren't exactly vital for a planet with such benign environmental conditions as Forn VI. I asked Chapel to do them now just so that he went to Sickbay. He should be coming up any second now, all we need to do is call Spock to the bridge and we have them both in there at the same time."

"But Spock's meditating." Uhura began uncertainly. "We shouldn't disturb him, I'm not sure this is such a good idea…"

"Nyota." McCoy said softly. "Think. _Why_ is he meditating in the middle of the day? The normal Spock would be at his station, or at the science lab, or running tests or working extra hours."

Uhura nodded.

"Right. You're right. Okay. Let's do this." She quickly moved several dials and waited for Spock's response.

It came very soon in his usual, calm tones.

"_Nyota_?"

"Spock, we need you up here just for a moment, the sensors seem to have detected an anomaly and we can't figure out what those readings mean."

"_I will be here shortly_."

"Thank you."

The transmission was cut, and she smiled nervously. "No going back now, guys." Everyone nodded, and Chekov clapped excitedly.

"Scotty, are you ready? Targets are on the move!" Sulu called.

"_Aye_!" Came the enthusiastic response.

"Is Giotto at the security cameras?"

"He'll send a message when the moment is right, yes." Uhura already had a channel open for the Chief of Security, and was prepared for his warning.

"Excellent, excellent. Now all we have to do is wait."

"This is wery exciting!"

"It is, isn't it?"

*

Jim leaned against the wall of the turbolift and rubbed his neck. God, how he hated those damn hyposprays. At least Chapel didn't jam them in there with as much relish as Bones, he reflected, but it was annoying anyway.

The lift stopped smoothly at the floor to his quarters, and for a moment he turned and wondered whether he'd made a mistake, since his initial idea had been to go to the bridge and supervise the situation (no matter how pointless, boring, and all in all rather useless the task might be).

But no, someone had called it from there.

"Hello, Mr Spock." Jim said curtly and professionally.

"Hello Captain."

Spock walked inside and stood beside him in silence, and Jim decided two could play at this game and didn't say anything either. For about two seconds they stared forward and nothing happened.

Until…

There was a powerful lurch and Jim was slammed against the wall. The lights flickered off. What the…? Before Jim had time to even swear properly the emergency lights kicked in and on, but the lift had stopped with a grinding noise he didn't like at all.

"_Captain. Mr Spock_." The voice was heavily accented, and Jim turned to the communicator eagerly.

"Scotty! Something's gone wrong and I think we're stuck between-"

"_Jim. You cannae know how much it has cost me to sabotage me own ship_."

"Your-?" Jim began with a grin.

"Jim, let Mr Scott speak. I believe you are not focusing on the important part of that sentence." Spock's tone was rather tense.

"Wait… _sabotage_?!"

"That is the important part."

"You did this, Scotty?" Jim said loudly and incredulously.

"We all did. You are to stay here until whatever it is that is a'happenin between the two of yeh is resolved."

"We'll drop out of warp in twenty hours! I trust you don't intend to keep us here until that time!" Jim's voice was strict and commanding, back to Captain mode immediately.

"_I do hope so, Jim_."

"What do you mean you _hope_…? Scotty, let us out."

"'_Fraid not, Jim_."

"That's an order, Mr Scott!" Jim was angry, now. "Let us out immediately!"

"_All right, all right, I promise to let you out when your shift begins again_."

"That's in fourteen hours!" Jim bellowed.

"_Actually it's fourteen and a half, Captain_."

"Scotty, please!"

"_I suggest you do as I say, talk things out and you will be allowed to leave_."

"Mr Scott do you realise your actions may be considered mutiny by a Starfleet tribunal?"

"Wait, don't… let's not get carried away here, Spock." Jim said immediately. He realised, of course, what the crew was expecting, but he didn't want to land anyone in jail (no matter how furious he felt right now), especially not Scotty, who was a loyal friend and a brilliant Engineer. "Scotty, I may not take you to a Starfleet tribunal, but there's gonna be hell to pay for this."

"_We figured, Capt'n_."

"Good. Kirk out." Jim punched the button with extra force and turned to Spock. The emergency lights were red and dim in the turbolift, he'd have to have them fixed, or replaced, or adjusted or something. They cast a strange glow against Spock's pale skin that he really didn't need to think about right now.

"Well Mr Spock, _I_ don't intend to spend fourteen hours stuck in here."

"Neither do I, Jim."

"So we're gonna break out?"

"You suggest we attempt to fix whatever it is that Mr Scott modified or 'sabotaged' in order to leave us trapped here."

"Exactly. He didn't do any permanent damage 'cause they needed to be able to get us out again, obviously. But the Captain's override codes aren't working."

Spock gently pushed Jim aside and examined the controls.

"Then we must dismantle this ourselves."

"Yeah, that's what I was thinking." Jim moved next to him. "We haven't got any tools, but I'm thinking you're strong enough to rip this off, right?"

As way of response, Spock put his fingers at the corners of the panel and tugged. With a crunching sound they sprang apart, revealing the mass of wires underneath.

"Great. Let's get to work."

*

"For the last time, everyone, the security cameras in the turbolift are _not_ functional because the damn thing isn't working either! Now get out of my office!"

*

"Wait, before touching that we should really make sure the power's down." Jim grabbed Spock's fingers and pulled them away from the suspiciously live-looking blue wire. Then he quickly let go as though nothing had happened, and squinted at his periwinkle nemesis.

"The fact that the emergency lights have activated signals the loss of power, Jim." Spock's voice was just as perfectly composed as the rest of Spock, as though nothing had really happened at all. Jim was quite glad.

But not really.

"Yeah, but Scotty was able to transmit, plus, they only cut the power from this one lift, so the others are fully functional, and some of these wires connect to the induction motors, which in turn connect to the main console, as you know."

"I see. Despite the fact that if the motors are inactive and therefore it is unlikely they still transmit any electrical impulses, you are correct. It would be inadvisable to risk your health."

"Or yours." Jim said graciously.

"Indeed." Spock seemed to be smiling with his eyes. Well, wasn't this nice? "Although we might consider the possibility of a crash with another lift, which would kill us instantly due to the velocity at which it travels, and regardless of the strong duranium sheeting-"

"I'm sure Scotty figured that out, so long as no one needs to go to the bridge for the next fourteen hours." Jim said nervously. He turned back to the panel, looking closely. "I'm familiar with the basic mechanics and hydraulics of this thing, of course, but I'm not sure what they've done exactly, which _really pisses me off!"_ He shouted at the air in general, hoping someone could hear. "And means I can't… ugh, I can't risk hurting you."

"Or yourself." Spock added quietly.

"Right."

There was a moment of silence while Jim glared at the various circuits and Spock looked at Jim. Then his first officer took his shoulders and firmly pulled Jim so his attention was focused solely on Spock.

"Jim, I believe it is time to terminate the ruse we have been conducting."

Jim really hadn't expected that. Especially not now.

"Our initial plan was to pretend we were engaged in a romantic relationship in order to avoid becoming the focal point of the crew's interest. We have, quite obviously…" And here Spock looked around them for a moment, as if to say 'look at us, look at where we are'. "… failed."

"Well, this comes out of the blue." Jim managed to choke out, not even bothering to pretend he didn't care.

"We have not been able to convince the crew of the fact that we are together." At this Spock's hands dropped from Jim's shoulders, and although it was quite warm in the cabin Jim felt inexplicably cold and hollow. "That, when combined with the _increase_ in interest regarding our situation leads me to conclude our best possible course of action is to end it. The most likely scenario now is that we shall go on and continue to ignore unfounded speculation, whilst simultaneously working with your usual, if questionable, passion."

"So… you're breaking up with me?"

"That is an incorrect question, as it predicates upon the assumption that there exists a previous bond between us which I am now severing. I am not doing so, as there is no such emotional attachment, previous or otherwise, among me and you, Jim." The look in Spock's eyes when he said this was completely inscrutable. "I am suggesting we cease to pretend our interactions are even remotely romantic in nature or sexual in content."

"Yeah, okay, I get that there's nothing emotional between us, Spock." Jim spat. "You've only said it like a million times, I _get it_."

Spock looked taken aback, for Spock.

"Jim…?"

"And what the hell does 'questionable passion' mean?"

It was a stupid thing to latch onto, but he was so mad he didn't care.

"I was just referring to your singular devotion to this ship, it's crewmates, and our mission."

"Why is it 'questionable'?" Jim took a step forward, good-bye personal space bubble, hello uncomfortable closeness.

"It is not. Forgive my-"

"You know what, Spock? I'm kind of tired of having you inadvertently hurt my feelings all the fucking time."

"Jim, as you _know_ it is never my _intention_…" Spock looked a little angry now, too. Again, though, for _Spock_.

"Yeah, well it's a little late for 'I didn't mean to' speeches."

"Sometimes it is difficult for me to comprehend your-"

"Just… shut it. I don't want to hear another word. What I wanna do is get out of here, right now."

He practically shoved Spock away and stared murderously at the jumble of wires. He was going to _kill _ Scotty when he got out, if Spock hadn't choked him to death first.

"There has to be a way of overriding whatever the hell it is that Scotty's manipulated from here. I don't care if he did it from his own station, there just _has_ to."

"That is an illogical assumption." Spock said coolly from behind Jim.

"Shut _up_, Mr Spock. That's an order." Jim snapped.

"You have no authority over me here."

"Why the hell not? We're in my fucking _ship_, and I'm the _Captain_! So do as I say and _shut up_!"

"No."

Jim spun around, unable to believe this was happening.

"What do you mean, _no_?" His voice suddenly dropped to dangerously low. A warning. The crew had hoped this would end with a great big kiss, but they hadn't counted on the possibility that Jim and Spock might end up killing each other.

"I believe it is quite clear what 'no' means, Jim. Surely your intellect, even for a Human, should be sufficient?"

"Sufficient? _Even_ for a…? Have you forgotten _you're_ half-Human, Spock?"

"Of _course_ not, but I am much more intelligent than you."

As Jim's voice rose in volume, Spock's gained inflection and emotion, a clear sign of anger.

"Really? Maybe you think _you_ should be running the ship, instead of me? Do you think I'm like a little kid that needs a nanny?"

"Obviously you are not a child, Captain, despite your apparent persistence to appear so."

Jim laughed without humour.

"Great. So you _do_ think I need supervision."

"That is your assumption, not mine."

"Screw you."

And there went the eyebrow. Jim really felt like punching something, but he didn't want to hurt Spock. Okay, maybe a little, but he knew he _shouldn't_.

"What, don't you have a come-back for that?" He goaded, moving even closer. A big part of Jim was kind of hoping _Spock _would hurt _him_. Physically and on purpose, so he had an excuse to loosen the tight knot in his chest cutting off his oxygen supply.

"Jim, please step away from me."

Oops.

He was literally breathing Spock's air, they stood so close. And yeah, a part of him was noticing this only now, and his will just _crumbled_ when Spock was involved, and he didn't want to step away. But he wasn't sure anymore if that was because it would feel like losing the argument or he just wanted Spock this close…

Oh, how he suddenly wished he could… just… one more kiss and he'd swear he didn't feel a thing until it was true, _please_ just one more, just one…

"_Jim_." Spock didn't look very angry anymore.

"I'm sorry." Jim blurted, stumbling backwards until he was at the very end of the small, enclosed space. They really couldn't have picked a better setting, he thought bitterly, what with the low lighting and the carpet floors… no, _bad_ Jim, remember you were fighting and you were angry? _Not_ turned on, which is kind of insane and maybe you could ask Bones about your crazy sex-drive calling at inappropriate moments…

"And I'm sorry about… the other stuff. You know me, the impulse-driven Human. Guess I really can't control myself." He forced a laugh and didn't look at Spock, thinking it was a lie because he was controlling himself all right, especially _now_, he was certainly _not_ giving in to his impulses or instincts or anything of the sort.

But then to his huge surprise Spock walked right up to him, his lean body easily covering the distance and essentially making his previous demand null and void, since their chests practically touched once more, to say nothing of Spock's lips at center stage.

Not that Jim had a problem with that.

"I respect you, Jim."

Oh.

That was all Spock said, with an uncharacteristic fervour in his eyes that made Jim blink rapidly to clear his head. And it was simple and wonderful enough that Jim felt himself sagged against the wall, his thoughts a jumble. It was the most _amazing_ thing anyone had ever said to him. Ever. Especially in that _tone _with those eyes. Seriously, the faith and the trust were all there, all managing to turn his insecurities into insignificant little details, and he knew it was Spock's way of saying sorry, that he hadn't meant any of those things before because he meant this one.

To his horror and embarrassment, Jim realised his eyes were kind of moist. Shit. James T. _Kirk_. _Captain_ Kirk. He didn't… he couldn't… mustn't…

"Spock, I…"

And then Spock reached up to Jim's face and wiped the corner of his eye.

It was a slow, deliberate gesture, Spock's eyes fixed intently on his own movements as he looked at his wet finger with scientific wonder and then brought it to his lips.

"Spock?" Jim whispered. And Spock looked into Jim's eyes with an expression which somehow conveyed everything, _everything_, Jim could see it all now, with razor-sharp precision he could _see_… that man that Jim had memorised and knew so well, every detail and every gesture, and he wasn't blind anymore, he could read what it told him now… like Spock's face was the dam holding back a thousand tonnes of _something_ that came through those dark eyes… and finally Jim smiled.

Spock's lips against his felt better than he'd imagined or remembered, because he knew now that this was real, and when he was slammed against the wall he didn't even notice, he just tugged at Spock's shirt and pulled him closer. It was like finally giving in and it was _right_.

He loved messing up Spock's hair, he loved those exotic ears and the green flush against Spock's cheeks, because it was there _because of Jim_, and he was fiercely possessive of it, he loved the strength of Spock's muscles against his, and not having to hold back, and kissing Spock… he very much loved _that_.

Dimly, as though far away, he could have sworn he felt other emotions, echoes of thoughts that didn't belong to him. Were they Spock's thoughts? There were beautiful, intricate patterns in the way he thought, Jim drew from them a clarity and longing that touched him, because they mirrored his, echoed his, complemented his own perfectly.

It really was quite ridiculously perfect. All of it.

Spock's skin was very hot, and that plus… other stuff made a bead of sweat roll down Jim's neck. To his amazement (and… other stuff) Spock licked it off, slowly, in a tantalising movement. Jim's knees almost buckled.

"We should _really_ get out of here." He said earnestly, pushing Spock away so he could _think_.

"I concur." Spock breathed, a small satisfied smile tugging at his lips as they both quickly moved back to the panel.

In less than ten minutes Jim had figured out how to shut off the power completely provided they could touch the damn blue wire, and Spock had calculated the necessary precautions they'd need to take provided they could not, and memorised the circuits. Once they could be sure to exit the turbolift and not die a terrible death on the electromagnetic conduits in the turboshaft… it would be slightly complicated, but it might work. This being one of Jim's plans, it was likely going to take a few strokes of luck to pull off, but again, this was one of Jim's plans.

"Are you ready?" Jim suddenly felt uncertain, but mostly too giddy to care.

"I trust you." Spock answered simply, with that glint in his eye Jim was becoming severely addicted to.

"Stop saying stuff like that or I'm gonna jump you right here." Jim growled, and then smirked because Spock turned to him with wide eyes. "And that would _not_ be good because… I can't remember. See?" He grabbed Spock's hand and locked their fingers together, making sure to brush their palms. Spock seemed to sway where he stood, before he regained his balance by putting his other hand against the wall to steady himself. "See what you do to me?"

"_Jim_-" Okay, so he needed to stop the thing with his fingers now, he could see that in Spock's pleading expression. Jim let go, which seemed to give the Vulcan some relief, but also not really, as his eyes followed the movements of Jim's hand as he ran it through his hair.

"Spock?" Jim asked politely. "We should probably get back to fixing this?"

Spock jolted and Jim smirked. "You can be very distracting, Jim." He accused.

"I'm okay with that." Jim faked nonchalance, when really he was jumping up and down in pure joy. "It's only fair, Spock, you can be terribly distracting too."

Spock didn't answer, but there was the glint again, and Jim mustn't wonder what it would be like, on the soft carpeted floor, because they were trapped here and they needed to get… out… right? Wait, why did they need to get out again?

"Why do we need to get out again?"

"I suggest you do not ponder the reasons and instead assist me in this task." Spock said, the corners of his mouth twitching.

"If you say so, Spock."

"I do say so, Jim."

Jim smiled. "I love you."

Spock stopped mid-motion and straightened up, looking at Jim carefully and warily, as though expecting a sudden meltdown or brain aneurism.

"Would it be inappropriate for me to ask you to repeat your statement?"

"I love you." Jim said, loudly and clearly. He wasn't even freaking out. Not very much, anyway. Um. He'd mostly… realised where this thing was going already. Surprisingly quickly, some might say, given that a couple of weeks ago he was willing to swear he didn't know Spock from Adam, but then again this _was_ James T. Kirk and he adapted easily.

"Jim… I am not certain I understand your meaning."

"I really don't think there are that many ways you can interpret this, Spock." Jim said.

"Perhaps I am not familiar with the Human connotations-"

"I _really_ don't think you can mistake what I said."

"I think I can, because you cannot possibly mean what I believe you to-"

"Spock, I love you!" His voice was very loud in the small space, but he couldn't care less. "I can't stop thinking about you, your mind _fascinates_ me, I'm _really_ attracted to you, I feel like we're equal and perfect together and meant to be and all that crap because _you_ sort of make me _whole_… and I… I'm… I'm in love with you. Have been for God knows how long, and although I was asleep for most of it, I admit, I'm awake _now_. For you I… I'm awake."

Jim felt his face heat and he stared at the floor, suddenly and inexplicably nervous. This was not normal, he was not familiar with these types of declarations, at the most he'd been at the receiving end of a few and then had to deliver an uncomfortable let-down and break someone's heart.

"In that case, I completely reciprocate your emotional proclamation in every sense." Spock said quickly, taking a step forward and leaning toward Jim to lock their gazes. Sadly, Jim was unable to speak because his heart had leapt to his throat. "You are fascinating to me, Jim. I… I find myself indulging in emotions so powerful I dare not even _try_ to stop them." This final confession was said in a rush of breathless words that effectively ensued Jim still couldn't make a sound.

"I love you too." Spock added earnestly (and looking slightly worried), just in case. And it was this, this gesture which belonged so exclusively to _Spock_ that made Jim laugh and throw his arms around the other man, holding on with all the strength he possessed.

*

When they emerged from the turbolift half an hour, a computer reprogramming, a jump through the emergency trapdoor, a long climb up the turboshaft, two near-death experiences and a few (well, few is a relative term) kisses later, it was to the loud sound of cheering, clapping and laughter.

* * *

**After all, Kirk and Spock, are just really, really (**_**really**_**) good friends... *coughYEAHRIGHT!cough***

**I am TOTALLY leaving the rest ****of what happens up to the imagination. If you want, after saying goodbye to the crowd, they go to their quarters and spend the next fourteen hours … dot dot dot … **

**PLAYING CHESS, of course! What did you **_**think**_** I meant?**

Well, it's been g**RE**at and **V**ery **I**nt**E**resting **W**riting this, and sharing it with all of you. I can only hope you enjoyed it, and maybe tell me your thoughts on every tiny little aspect? ;)

Love!


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